From CNN.com

Manitoba, Canada - The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, trial lawyers, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush Administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many English Literature or art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

Implements

Today, I actually thought about the specific heat of yarn.

...and:

Gratuitous Thanksgiving joke for those who actually get it:

Today, as I was walking to class in my new black boots that click when I walk, carrying my coffee away from my body so as not to spill it on my jeans, I discovered that I am exactly a black turtleneck away from being Rocknak.

Left or right?

I think that my biggest problem in life might be that I can't decide whether I'm a fascist or a libertarian.

So that Aerik may witness my shame...

Aynsee (7:29:36 PM): twenty-twenty-twenty-eight hours to go-a-oh...
--- (7:29:49 PM): i wanna be sedated
--- (7:29:56 PM): nothing to do no way to go home
--- (7:29:59 PM): i wanna be sedated
Aynsee (7:30:08 PM): put me in a wheelshair
--- (7:30:17 PM): get me to the show
Aynsee (7:30:27 PM): hurry hurry hurry
--- (7:30:28 PM): hurry hurry hurry before i go let's go
Aynsee (7:30:41 PM): oh oh oh oh OHHH!!!
--- (7:30:46 PM): i can't control my fingers i can't control my toes
--- (7:30:52 PM): then your line
Aynsee (7:30:57 PM): oops
Aynsee (7:30:59 PM): i suck

http://www.tweep.com/comic/?date=08-16-06

Sad, but this is fairly accurate.

Oh, P-Chem!

Today, my Thermodynamics professor re-affirmed that turkeys do not, in fact, undergo phase transfer.

And, a special conversation from after class...

"He puts the 'man' in thermodynamics."
"Aynsley, there's no 'man' in thermodynamics."
"Well, even then, it kind of works..."

Oh, and the Gibbs free energy of diamond is less than the Gibbs free energy of graphite.

I have decided that I also want a margarita fairy. I intend to hide him under my bed. And I say him, because I would like it to be a true fairy, and so must be a completely flaming gay man. Who make awesome bartenders, for reasons I do not fathom.

Thoughts for the moment:

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neck-ties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?"-Linda Ellerbee

"Talking with a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell, but what's the point?"-Gladys Upham

Oh, last edit, the best quote from this weekend:
"Listen to her, she's a scientist, she knows what's she talking about...unlike you." -"grown-up" frat boy, about me, to his louder friend

I would like to believe that one's own thoughts and opinions need not be advertised. This is not a line drawn in the dirt, like every other post that says "Repost this if X", because if you don't repost X, you obviously hate anyone and everything associated with X. Lines in the dirt are for middle-schoolers, or Peter Pan in Hook. If you don't want to repost X, then it says nothing about you either way, except that you either want to keep your mouth closed, or are intelligent enough to express your opinions without a pre-prepared statement written by someone in an attempt to challenge and shame everyone to immediately supporting X.

And for the record, I am against gay rights. I am also against women's rights, (insert minority title here)'s rights, and every other other bullshit subcategory subset of the populations's rights. The only rights I am for are human rights.

Edit: Ironically, someone re-posted this.

From my Analytical Chem book

"At Girl Scout Camp, Chastity proved to be precise, but not accurate."

Let me go ponder that one for a while.

Liberal-Baiting Day

So, while I know most of my 'readers' are liberals...this 'womyn' was just dumb. (What's the singular version of 'womyn'? Does it exist?) And I don't like Spam, whether a bot or a human sends it. My penis is large enough, thank you.

Anyway, I was pissed off by the e-mail and I felt like playing. There are a total of four, but I'm too lazy to re-sequence them for you, so you'll have to read from the bottom up. (Notice, however, I am not too lazy to write extensively about my laziness. Hmmm...) I think she gave up, or just had no response when I accused her of sexism, which she obviously thinks 'womyn' are incapable of. It's just really funny. But, I digress. Here is the funny. If you disagree with me, feel free to send her an e-mail telling her that I am a hateful conservative asshole. But don't send me one.

Email #1
On 9/4/06, Nancy Hulse wrote:

Anti-Violence Education reduced fee ;

Hello ,

I am sending you this letter to let you know that I have recently booked
shows in your area during the months of September and October .

My live multimedia performances about violence against women
are a powerful and exciting way to educate about this important issue.

I would like to offer you the opportunity to bring one of my unique educational
programs to your campus at a reduced cost. If you are interested,
please contact me as soon as possible.

If you are not familiar with my work, please visit my website at http://www.womynkind.org

Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.

Nancy Hulse
Womynkind Productions
nhulse@womynkind.org
http://www.womynkind.org
1-888-578-9847


SPAM disclaimer: I sent this email to you because I believe that you may be
interested in my work due to your position. Each email I send is individually
delivered via a web page that has your email-link on it.You are NOT on a
mailing list. Womynkind is a not-for-profit educational / arts organization.
If you are not interested in my work, please forward my address to someone
you think might be.

Email #2

----- Original Message -----
From: Aynsley
To: Nancy Hulse
Sent: Monday, September 04, 2006 11:40 AM
Subject: Re:


Please do not send unsolicited e-mail, regardless of whether or not you think someone may be interested in paying you money to tell them things they already know in a new and exciting fashion! I do not appreciate receiving e-mails from complete strangers. I also feel that the spelling of 'womyn' is a concept so idiotic that only a liberal whose mind is so open that her brains fell out could embrace it. Please desist in insulting me.

Email #3

On 9/4/06, Nancy Hulse wrote:
SHAME ON YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Email #4
From: Aynsley
To: Nancy Hulse
Date: Sep 4, 2006 9:13 AM
Subject: Re: Re:

What? You don't appreciate my opinion that you are an idiot? Or maybe you dislike me because I don't embrace your man-hating ways? Perhaps you misunderstand. While I am a domestic violence advocate, I am more inclined to fight for the under-represented victims. Men, who are beaten and maligned by their gay partners as well as men who are viciously verbally beat and manipulated by their female partners. I feel that everyone who is hurt by someone else deserves a voice, not just a subset of 'womyn'.

I finally got to use calculus in physics! It was neat! And I surprised the professor (Crazy German #1) by knowing what a power series was. And I confused my other chemistry professor by asking him to explain an equation. He confused himself so badly that he decided to make our labs reports due 5 days later so that he could figure it out and explain it in class. Victory mine.

Ok, so there really are no coincidences.

Ladies and gentlemen,

For the first time in the history of my college career, I am not taking any 8am classes.

Proof that Josh does not go against his word:

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f103/ishmaella/smile.jpg.

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f103/ishmaella/pretty.jpg

"It's so peaceful that my eyes slide off!"

Thank you, Rose.

The story on why I'm shrinking:

It's my own damn fault.

One of the reasons is because I hate milk, so I apparently have weaker bones. The rest of the story is more interesting. I don't really sleep enough, what with working my way through college. It turns out that this has actual, tangible effects on my long-term health, one of which is the shrinking. When you're asleep, or at least lying down, your spine decompresses. When your spine doesn't decompress, it starts to grind a little bit. Or so I was told.

There's also one more maybe-reason that was mentioned. My weight went down a lot last fall. I've managed to put most of what feels like normal weight to me back on. (A difference of 40 lbs). Although I have a large skeletal build, I am still "overweight"...okay...the weight that I gained back this spring is apparently pulling too hard on my weak bones, also causing shortness.

So, between all of this, I apparently need to lose 40 lbs again, by exercise, since malnutrition is ten kinds of not-fun, and also find time to spend eight hours a day in bed. Damn it. Maybe I can deal with shrinking instead?

I'm not delusional, and this has nothing to do with lack of sleep. I'm shrinking. I'm down to 5'7" (The last time I checked myself was last summer, 5'8" then).

This might sound obnoxious, but I'm a little worried. I don't drink milk, but I was sure I got enough calcium. But losing an inch, especially at 21, seems a little extreme to just be laughed off. I think I might actually call Mark and talk to him about this...

I have officially sold some of my artwork. I know it's not that great, but it makes me feel good that someone liked it enough to give me money for it. Smile meter just went up another few points.

Life is good. I'm done with school for the summer, I got an A. (The prof told me as I was leaving.) I'm calling one of the grad schools I was invited to attend tomorrow, to see if my invitation would still stand, if I were to choose not to finish my philosophy degree. I'm pretty sure I'm done with Hartwick philosophy, but I think I'd like to earn my Ph.D for it at some point. While I know this is no walk in the park, I don't think I'd have too much trouble, as both McFarlane and Rocknak had no doubt that I would breeze (comparatively) through the thesis.

It might seem like a waste of time to the rest of you, but since I want to work for the FBI, I don't think I'm overqualifying myself. They like over-educated people. So, I have this next year to get my grades up, and hopefully I'll do the internship there summer of 2008.

The waters are receding, I'm all moved in and in a flutter of domesticity (Liz is coming over to bake pies and make fried chicken with me today), school is done, and someone very special has walked back into my life. I needed a pick-me-up, but this is like...never mind, I won't describe it. Josh already told me I'm dopey.

Working is rough, but it'll be a lot easier with no school work except thesis prep. I'm only working 4 jobs this summer, for a rough total of about 90 a week. That's down from last summer, but I'm spoiling myself a little this year.

I got a new cell phone, and my dad, as usual, went above and beyond. He asked what kind of phone I wanted, I said I really didn't care, but a flip phone would be nice, so it wouldn't get all scratched up in my pocket. He, of course, got me a camera-phone, so watch out! I've been playing with it.

Life is good.

You all mean the world to me.

At a point in time where someone has actually been decapitated, partially due to the weather, I think it is appropriate to be thankful to God that all of my friends in Oneonta are alive and more or less ok.

I want a canoe.

Wow, Main St. has been shut down, due to flooding. It's like I'm at home or something. It stopped raining for a little while today...where's Chanticleer when you need him?

Chest Compressions

An EMT, a P.A., and 5 nurses are taking a refresher CPR course. Who's the only person who answers the Physiology question right?

That's right, me. Congratulations to me, I know more about why the human body works than those who are supposedly far more educated than me. Make your own punchline.

Oh, snap!

Operation Aardvark was a success.

Smell being the most potent memory trigger...

Last January, as in 2005, I was still living in the dorms. Our door made a very distinctive click when it was closed. Not loud or obnoxious, mind you, just distinctive.

In January, Alicia was in Prague, and I was the only one there.

Almost always, I dream. Almost never good things. That morning, though, I didn't dream at all. There was no dream to interfere with the click that snapped my eyes immediately open. It was definitely our door, but I was the only one there.

I didn't move, and the next thing that hit me was a smell I hadn't experienced in two and half years. I smelled Brennan's cologne, just a tatter of it, hanging in the air, the brief scent you catch of someone as they walk by.

I don't know what kind of cologne it is, but I know it. I've checked Men's cologne counters in department stores whenever I'm wasting a day shopping, but I've never found it. And I'll never forget it.

As this scent lingered in my mind, I realized that I was cruched over onto one side of my tiny twin bed (I normally slept sprawled out, taking up the whole thing)...I reached my hand over to the empty piece of bed, so as to stretch my body out...and it's warm. Like someone had been lying there, and had just gotten up.

I can tell myself that I had just been sleeping in that spot, and had just managed to crunch myself over, just before imagining the clcik to wake myself up...but I can't explain away his cologne.

And just now, while walking home in the warm rain, I smelled it again.

Am I going crazy?

Part III

I finally plugged in my TV. And watched Bill and Ted. Totally non-heinous.

So, I just bought the Alphabet of Manliness from Amazon. To go along with it, I picked up Gate to Women's Country and The Handmaid's Tale.

What truly amuses me is that Gate to Women's Country is a futuristic tale where women have taken the world over and the men live in a tightly regulated section of society. It is described (in Amazon's official review) as "provocative". The Handmaid's Tale is a futuristic tale where men have taken the world over and the women live in a tightly regulated section of society. It is described (in Amazon's official review) as "chilling".

When the "intellectual" movement is dominated by femi-Nazis who scream at the slightest offense to any woman, while trampling the rights of men (sorry, but I can't bring myself to refer to them as "inferior beings"), does anyone actually think we still live in a chauvinist society? All these people do is create animosity towards women.

Television Again

I still haven't touched it. But I have gotten another round and a half on my rug.

Television

I have a TV now. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this. It's a nice 13" Toshiba with built in VCR. Since I haven't been able to watch Bill and Ted in a year (due to lack of television), this is a blessing. But is it a mixed blessing?

I haven't owned my own (haha) television since I was in high school, and I don't think I actually watched that one more than once in a while after freshman year. Both of my roommates freshman year had TV's, and I never even watched it. Last year, Alicia had a TV (also combo VCR), and good times were had with movie nights. But unless Alicia was watching Law & Order, I never actually watched television.

I've spent the last year (with a few exceptions) almost entirely television free. I think it's had a good effect on me...I appreciate movies a lot, and I'm not desensitized to television as I have previously been.

Which leads me to conclude that I'm not sure how I feel about the TV that is currently sitting on my couch. It's been here for over three hours, and I haven't even looked for a place to put it (other than my couch). I actually glare at the TV once in a while, when I look up from the rug I'm currently working on.

Eesh, why I am so bothered by a TV?

Chinese or Something like it

http://fireflychinese.home.att.net/episode.html

This website lists all the Chinese in Firefly and Serenity, along with the proper pronunciation, since the cast apparently slaughtered. It's pretty cool. Now I can start swearing in Chinese.

Empire Records Drinking Game

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Empire Records Drinking Game, as created by two scientists who have realized that they don't want this on their vitae.
Drink when:
Debra makes a music reference.
Everytime Joe yells.
Every time "Say No More, Mon Amour" is played, said or sung.
Everytime Lucas sounds like Mr. Miyagi (or this is referenced).
Everytime AJ paints or glues something.
Everytime Corey "eats a breath mint".
Everytime Berko looks confused.
Everytime someone says "veto."
When Mark is eating brownies, take one drink everytime he takes a bite.
Everytime Gina says something over intercom.
Whenever Rex Manning flashes a fake smile.
Everytime someone says something about Rex Manning's hair.
Everytime Joe tells AJ to fix the sign.
Everytime you see one of Debra's bandages. (That means you drink twice when you see both in the same shot)
Everytime "Music Town" is referenced.
Everytime Warren's voice cracks.
Everytime money is seen.
Everytime Lucas is seen carrying the couch cushion.

Indeed

What kind of looter am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Part II:

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Aynsley2

Bridges!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Aynsley

Have at it.

Fun Games with the TSC

Sam: "Do you like your new hard drive?"
Me: "Yes..."
Sam: "Then don't ask questions."

Brokeback Mountian is cancelled, and no one cares.

Since the link no longer works, the article was about a cancelled run of Brokeback Mountain. I actually never even saw it. I'm not much for sappy romance and longing, of any sexual orientation.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/01/08/brokeback.canceled.ap/index.html

"Broad Utah audience"?

Newsflash: Utah is 99.5% MORMON. A film about two gay cowboys who leave each other and get married to women would not be well-received, particularly the part where they "rekindle their relationship over the years". The Bible isn't big on adultery or homosexuality, as far as I can tell. I'm really tempted to watch it to see how many commandments are broken.

Seriously, though, I read an article in middle school about a movie made about Nixon in the 70's, that was pretty much Fahrenheit 911. One Utah theater that was brave enough to show it had to cancel it after the first screening, as the crowed rioted, and did about $2,000 damage to the theater. And that's 1970's dollars.

And people are complaining because he canceled it? I don't see any complaints from the crowd that must have been anxious for gay cowboy love, just one little snipe from "Equality Utah", a "gay rights advocacy group."

And another topic: I am so fucking sick of groups who are for "equality". That is bullshit, most of these groups do not see (insert "minority" group here) as being equal, they see them as better, since every single fucking "offense" by someone from the "majority" is a crime that should be settled with millions of dollars in courts...

Two Scenarios:
Me: (accidentally steps on someone's foot, as I frequently do) Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Another "majoritarian": Sure, it's cool. Take it easy!
Me: Have a good night!

Me: (accidentally steps on a precious minority's foot) Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Minority: You racist, sexist, capitalist bitch!!! You are oppressing me!! I have the right to stand, WITHOUT having my toes crushed my some klutzy cow!!! You have no right to oppress me!
Me: Chill out.
Minority: "Chill"??? Are you implying that I'm hot, because my skin is darker than yours?? You bitch! If I'm hot, I'm hot under the collar, because feel that you can injure me, and then toss ethnic slurs at me!
Me: Security. Help.
Minority: Oh, that's right. Call security! More people to oppress my people! YOU'RE ALL INVOLVED IN A CONSPIRACY TO OPPRESS US!!!!
Security arrives. They see minority person foaming at the mouth and apply pepper spray. Minority person is dragged, kicking and screaming from the room.
Me: God, I need a drink.
Next day: "Daily Star" headline: "Minority discriminated against, victimized by security guards"

I feel like these scenarios should be a comic to better illustrate my point.